I was sitting in the cafeteria with my girlies today on our break between classes, and Maricella (our token EMT) starts telling us about something that happened at work that day. Or maybe it was the day before. In all honesty, it’s possible it was like 3 years ago, because I wasn’t paying detail-level attention until we hit the following piece:
“It is not possible to swallow a teaspoon of cinnamon.”
What?! What in the world are you talking about??
She went on to tell us it’s true. Cinnamon isn’t water soluble and cannot be swallowed straight. It’s not possible to – with a normal dry/empty mouth (you can’t store up like a whole mouth full of saliva to do this) – put a ts of cinnamon in your mouth and just swallow it.
Now to us, this was just crazy talk. How does this even come up??? Who was – at some point in the past – sitting around the house with the munchies, and decided to plop down in front of the TV with a spoon and the cinnamon container?!
To emphasize her point, she told us that two of the guys at the fire house (is that where EMTs stay??….it could have been the Hilton – again…not the details I was paying attention to), tried this seemingly simple task to prove it wrong. That is, after all, what big testosterone filled EMT-type males do. They eat cinnamon to prove points.
Maricella’s only response to their attempt?
“You guys are stupid.”
Sandra and I looked at her, and both said “you know we’re going straight home to try this.”
Her response to us was a little more sugar coated.
“You better make sure you have water close.”
Soooooooo home I came. And I had actually forgotten all about it until I got a TM from a certain little EMT….
“Did you try the cinnamon yet?” 
(Yeah – she actually added the winky face.)
So I finished my studying for the night, and headed to the kitchen. Got out a ts, the cinnamon from the cupboard….and then I heard the Maricella that lives in my head “make sure you have some water close.” I went back to the living room for my can of coke. With all the necessary accoutrements for my little experiment, I went to the sink. (This little piece, you will come to learn, was the act of a merciful God.) As I’m looking at it, I’m thinking to myself ….. “Wow – you don’t really notice how much is IN a teaspoon until you’re in a situation like this.”
I measured out a ts, put it in a shot glass (just for ease of use, as my teaspoon is adjustable and fairly long). And then I did it. When I say I did it, let me be a little more specific. That does not mean I in fact swallowed the cinnamon. But I sure did give it a blissfully ignorant try.
Let me see if I can find a way to explain what followed, for surely anything I do actually come up with…..will be seriously lacking.
Ok – I swallowed.
Then for a split second there was like a poof in my mouth with the distinct taste of cinnamon. You know how when you open the cinnamon there is that tiny spice cloud that comes out? (I’ll wait here while you go to the cupboard to confirmn spice cloud upon opening.) …………………Ready?? Good.
Now that really was just the splittest of seconds. And while it wasn’t really pleasant (cinnamon straight doesn’t really taste good - this can be tested in much smaller quantities)….it also wasn’t unbearable.
And then the split second was over. Wanna know what came next?
A lot of NONE!!
As in:
Breathing = NONE
Swallowing = NONE
Speaking = NONE
Coughing = NONE
Ability to scream for help = NONE
And then started the panic. I honestly couldn’t breathe, and couldn’t call for help. That lasted a little longer than “split”. As soon as the cinnamon started down the back of my throat, my entire air passage way closed off. A little beyond “split”, it all came back out. (Insert sink blessing here.)
Cinnamon went all over the sink, the cupboard, my clothes, the floor…….if I thought a teaspoon looked like a lot before, it surely looked like 10X the amount now.
Finally. A cough. Sputtering. Gagging. Sputtering. Gagging. Sputtering. Gag….well just repeat this for about a minute and add searing pain. I still couldn’t breathe enough to actually take a drink of anything, so my coke sat next to me – completely useless. All I could do was turn on the faucet and put my head under it, hoping that it would flush it all out.
All the while this is happening, and I’m thinking “oh my GAWD!! How am I going to get out of this??”, I’m also thinking “WHAT IN THE HELL IS SHE THINKING!?!?! Egging us to try something like this? She’s the SAVER of lives!!! This is like a dentist just ripping out all of your teeth. Or an ophthalmologist jamming a pen in your eyes and then asking you to read the top line!! Craig’s gonna have to call an ambulance, and at some point I’m going to have to explain that my EMT friend told me I couldn’t do it. And then they’re all gonna laugh the minute they get back to the EMT Hilton!!”
Finally after my mouth was flushed enough, I regained my ability to swallow. And so I did – right there with my head under the faucet like I was still 6, drinking water straight from the tap. Then I moved on to my Coke.
The back of my throat is actually burned. I had to blow my nose to get at least some of the cinnamon out of there – though I can still tell there is some in my sinus cavity…and in small amounts I am getting that cleared out as well.
I’m going to tell you this as clearly as I can:
DO NOT TRY THIS! It’s not a joke. It’s not a hoax – you CANNOT DO IT! Not only can you NOT do it, but it hurts like a MO (dramatic pause) FO! You will not be successful because you have bigger cajones than me. You will not be successful because it just sounds too crazy to be for real. You will not be successful.
There is still grit in the back of my throat, which is just gross. And you know when you’re sick, and your throat hurts sooooo badly that you can’t talk or swallow? Welcome to my tonight.
The response to Maricella’s text message was short and simple.
“HOLY FUCK!”
I’ve heard nothing back since. She might be lucky we have a weekend before class again. I honestly might bite her.
UPDATE: An hour later, and still sucking phlegmy cinnamon out of the back of my throat. Yum.
