I got the call from UCSD last week while I was in Vegas, with a voicemail that the test results were in. PRO: YAY!! They’re in early! I didn’t have to wait a whole month – WOOHOO!! CON: I was not mentally prepared for the call, and it caught me totally off-guard.
I had just gotten knocked out of the Hold ‘em tournament I was playing at the MGM (27th out of 93 thank you very much), when I noticed I had a message. I listened to it on my way to meet up with Buck – who was over at the Excalibur playing the new electronic poker tables. Those things are SO freakin’ weird. You’re playing the people sitting at the table with you, but there’s no dealer. It’s like face-to-face online poker. There is one main screen in the middle for all of the community information (community cards, pot, bets, etc)….and then each player has a tablet screen where they look at their cards, make their bets, fold their hands etc. I played for a little while too. It’s GOOFY weird!
This really isn’t the point of the story, though I seem to be going off on tangents more frequently as of late. Sorry ’bout that. There’s nothing that says ya’ll can’t pipe up when I start meandering around my brain, and reel me back in!!
Anyway – I talked to my transplant coordinator lady, and she went through the results of the tests in order. This means she started by telling me that they learned my blood type is Oneg. SAY IT ISN’T SO!! SHOCKER!! She did acknowledge that I had already told them that, and I fully understand that they have to test to be sure. How tragic would that be if someone thought they were like AB and really they’re like Bneg. Not good indeed.
Then she told me that for the second test, they found no matching alleley genetic marker thingers. This was also not surprising since we are in no way related. Imagine if there were matches!! HOLY COW the conversations that would initiate.
Last she addressed the test that we knew would be the sticking point for us. They smooshed my friends cells together with my cells and told them to play nicely. If they DIDN’T play nicely (like Copper and Daisy while we were in Vegas), then it would be where our journey into this new and fascinating process ends. As she approached this test, we start to enter the “CON” aspect of the early results situation.
Standing in front of the NYNY, staring down at the 911 memorial, only vaguely noticing how horribly it’s been upkept due to the enormity of what was going on in my ear, I realized I was in no way mentally prepared for this call. My ability to swallow had left me. My nose was burning and my eyes were blurring as I tried to keep the all the facial fluids inside their respective…ummmm….orifices. I was trying very hard to keep the baseball bat in the hands of the rational side of my brain, whacking down the panicky side that kept saying “…there’s a reason she’s going through them so methodically, it means bad news, we’re not a match and she’s trying to break the news gently.” Thankfully the “hear her out and let’s not jump to conclusions until we know anything” side won, and I didn’t crumple into a sobbing heap square dab in the middle of the strip.
Also in those same tiny seconds that it took her to say maybe 2 sentences of explanation around the tests, I was also analyzing (based on my emotional reaction) how much more important this had become for me. Obviously even more than I had even previously realized. And as if there wasn’t enough going on all at that same instant – I started trying to figure out why that is. It was definitely one of those 8 million things happen in your brain over the course of an hour in super slow motion that is really just 3 seconds experiences.
I still haven’t exactly nailed that last part down yet. I wasn’t so upset because I was afraid someone I love would die next week if they didn’t get my kidney – because that’s just not true. And it’s not like I’m the last chance for survival – because that’s not at all true either. There are still other options available. The best I can tell is that someone I love has an important, life altering need. I have an abundance of this particular need, and no reason to not be able to share it. Why would I not want to give that? The major type A person that I am wouldn’t do well at all to have the decision taken out of my hands I would guess. I can be kind of headstrong (I’ve been told). Did my heart get all latchy for a different reason? I’m still mulling that….feel free to send thoughts. We’re learning through this together. And what if one of you ends up in a similar position?? It would help to understand the emotions that go with the experience I would imagine.
Anyway….(HEY! Check that out!! That was a RELEVANT tangent. RIGHT ON!)
So the results of the third test – the cell smashy one – were positive. We passed it. His cells weren’t all pissy at mine, and accepted their co-existence. There was no bad news, and the bat was placed in the right brain cell hands. Well that news started completely different tears. Being a girl is so freakin’ suckie sometimes, I tell you what! But I was completely overcome with these victorious feelings of strength. Like I was now somehow invincible to continue my arduous journey to the Excalibur! cimh…how silly is that?! Girlie roller-coasters are based on nothing logical – on that I will state my life.
So what’s next?
My next step is to do an interview with my transplant social worker. It will take about an hour, and since I’m far away we’ll be able to do it over the phone. I called to setup an appointment with her today, and am just waiting to hear back. I’m told we’ll cover any questions I have, look at the programs that helps donors with finances (travel, lodging, etc…please pray we qualify for this – I’m unemployed let’s remember), and she will bring up topics that I will not have thought of. I don’t know what I don’t know – and it’s her job to make sure I DO, to make a completely informed decision about proceeding.
She’ll also go over some psychological stuff too – make sure I’m not all nut…..ohhhhh noooooo. I have to pretend to not be nutter!! DEAR LORD – I HAVE TO ACT NORMAL! ((sigh)) Ok kids – wish me luck on this one. And just when I thought the biggest hurdles were past. 
Should I convince her that I’m not 14 kinds of wonky, I will go through a full physical at UCSD. They will do full blood tests, so I don’t pass anything along to my friend, test my organs (make sure I really have one to share), do a urinalysis (the reason for this I’m not sure – but it’ll tell them something), they may even test my cuticles. It’s pretty comprehensive.
So….onward we go. Marching into unrivaled alienesque probing to the beat of a rejuvenated drum!
