So let’s revisit where the kidney donation is sitting. I know I’ve been lackadaisical as of late in keeping you informed. This is because I wrote an hour and a half blog that MySpace ate. Frustration ensued. Blog was not rewritten.
So to sum up that blog, in case you missed it…I’ve passed all the tests. I really am sad for the loss of that piece, because it probably would have hit the DottieFaves tag. Which is my new favorite tag, btw. Great for re-reads if you’re bored and need a good chuckle.
Anyway…. Surgery date is set, and a whole new CRAZY TRIVIAL set of frustrations around the process has been growing like the snowball at the top of the hill in a Road Runner/Wyle E Coyote episode. More on that later.
As the surgery is getting closer, its existence is becoming more and more known. With that, there are more human reactions that go with said divulging. Now, until the last few weeks, I’ve been keeping the donation tidbit mostly under wraps where the general public is concerned. We’ve been discussing it in the blogs, and every now and then I will add someone I trust to the list of informed.
At first I didn’t tell everyday Joe-schmoes because I didn’t want it to be something like “Yup! Look at me! I’M AWESOME!! Look what I’M doing!!” Just the thought of that is repulsive to me. BLECH!! I definitely didn’t want to be seen as that person. However, I do want people in my life to know, because it’s a topic I wish people would pay more attention to. Until someone in your life is affected, you just don’t ever consider the issue.
Lately though, as people find out, I’ve been reluctant to speak of it for an entirely different reason:
I do not understand, nor do I know how to politely manage other people’s reactions. The one I struggle with most is a lot of lofty, overly-grandiose, pedestal of a saint stuff. And I’m not wildly graceful in the face of believing or accepting compliments and flattery in general, right? Now magnify it by a matrillion. In those situations I’ve limited myself to just smiling, and saying “Thank you, I hope it does the trick.” It’s all I can think of.
At first I just stared at people with this type of reaction, completely befuddled at the things they said. Literally. I would just stare. As if in mid-sentence they just started shouting Swahili at me. My forehead would get all crinkly, and I’m sure my eyebrows became a uni-brow. I have to think this new approach is better.
For those I am more comfortable with, when it comes up I will actually engage in conversation around their response – people to whom I can say “I totally don’t understand where this comes from” without being rude or inadvertently hurting their feelings. Because I don’t want anyone to feel put off or admonished for their perspective around this – I just honestly don’t get the hype. And conversation is good – yes? My hope is that people can then see how this is just a no-brainer decision. At least for my situation (obviously it’s not right for everyone for various reasons). Education is an absolute necessity around the topic of living donation.
There are other reactions I’ve received as well. A handful of people have responded in a way I can totally align with: “Hey, that’s really cool. Good for you. I have a so-and-so that has a problem, and I’d do the same thing. Yada Yada Yada.” Some people in my life have just jumped on board and been totally supportive from the start, keeping stride with me as if I hadn’t changed pace at all. A few (those who probably know me best) have a strong level of concern over my ability to play by the rules when all is said and done. They’re afraid I’ll try and walk on the court the week after the surgery. I find this to be completely absurd, of course. I honestly don’t know what they’re all wiggy about! Even I would give it 2 full weeks! 
Anyway…I’m going to hit full on tangent (however related it may be) if I don’t stop myself there. I could discuss they way people receive this information for hours…but I’m already behind on math homework, and badly want to go to bed soon – so I’ll cut it short at just 2 pages of rambling this time and get to the point.
At my orthodontist appointment today, Dr. eric made a comment to the dental assistant girl that it needs to not be so long before he sees me again. I’d had to push my normal appointment back 3 weeks because of work, and he was a little displeased in the extension in time at my current “settings”. While I was checking out, we setup my next appointment. Wouldn’t you know – it falls right at the beginning of the 2 weeks I’ll be at UCSD. ((sigh))
D (having heard the exchange about the appt needing to be on time): I can’t make it that week, I actually have a surgery scheduled.
OfficeLady1: Oh, that’s too bad. What is the surgery for?
D (in the spirit of being more open to putting the information out there): I’m giving a kidney to a friend who is sick.
OL1: {Insert previously discussed reaction here}
D: {Insert previously discussed new-and-improved Dottie response here}
And then a completely NEW reaction came from the exchange. The second office lady turned her head so far around I would swear she’s part owl, with a completely indignant and mortified look all wrapped into one. I’m not joking – you’d have thought a hippopotamus just crawled out of my butt wearing a NASA suit, jumping on a pogo stick while playing a kazoo by the way she was looking at me.
OL2: Oh my god! I hope this is someone you’ve known for a long time!
And I don’t know what made me even answer that question honestly. I surely don’t have to justify myself or my decision to a woman I see every 6 weeks for 3 minutes. I should have TOTALLY went with “well, we kinda met standing in line at Starbucks 3 weeks ago…but we’ve talked a few times since then and he seems like a real stand up kind of guy…”
WTH?!?!?? We are aware that people donate to complete strangers in need…RIGHT?!
After the initial advertisement for the desperate need of an exorcist, she mellowed out a bit and settled into the standard “great, wow, awesome…” routine. I took my little appointment sticker and backed out of the office…careful not to make any sudden movements that could have been misconstrued as an act of aggression toward the beast we’re clearly not talking about at Dr. Eric’s.
What new response will I get next I wonder. I’m all a flutter with anticipation. (I also now travel with a bottle of holy water.)
